Pamela Mitchell we featured on a morning program. She is the CEO of The Reinvention Institute. It looked interesting. After looking at the site, I am even more intrigued. I really didn't expect so much of the site to be about coaching, but then again, maybe that's what I need to do. I've signed up for a mentoring class at work, which is no different really. I also have had aspirations of becoming a coach, however, I am not qualified. I always considered coaching an expensive thing to do. However, something about this company attracts me. Maybe I was impressed by Pamela and it makes the company more credible, who knows really. The program looks quite reasonable. $79 for a 6 week eCourse and $31 for a test. I'm not sure what the coaching itself costs, but $100 to get started is pretty easy to swallow.
I guess the think I'm looking for a program that will work for me, the INTJ. Not require me to become an ENTJ - because that is unlikely to happen. I'm wondering if this program would work for me. I'll sign up for the newsletter, take a look and then I will give them a call to find out about this specifically.
Here's an interesting quote I found on the site:
"There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life -- happiness, freedom, and peace of mind -- are always attained by giving them to someone else."
-Peyton Conway March
Saturday, October 27, 2007
The Source of My Unhappiness
Yes, I have found the source of my unhappiness. This is a big deal to me, you see I've been unhappy for about 80% of my life. Not for good reason mind you, but it is what it is. I can thank Google for this discovery.
I've been trying to sleep better, as such I've made a rule to stay in bed even if I wake up at 3AM. Well, I really like the solitude of 3AM-6AM. I don't know why, but I really like to reflect during these times and I used to reflect a lot. Anyway, I decided to indulge a little.
Well, one of the rules of 3AM activities is - never do anything permanent. I realized recently, that this is nothing more than sleepwalking. In fact, I'm doing it right now. I decided to check my gmail account. I'd been considering contacting some friends, but for selfish reasons, so I stared at my inbox and said - this is not right. I noticed the following ad on the page: "Jim Kerr - Technology Executive 20-yrs innovating systems that work. www.naymz.com". I took a look at this page. This guy was doing everything I like, a good job at Orbitz (very nice place to work I believe), likes fast planes (I like fast cars), etc. So I shot him an email that sounded like a veiled attempt to get a job. Kinda dumb - broke the rule. Anyway, he listed his personality type on the page, along with a pointer to www.personalitypage.com. He listed himself at ENTJ - The Executive. So I looked at the page and decided to discover my personality type. It cost $5, what the heck. Half an hour later I learn I'm INTJ - The Scientist. You can read about this in more detail on the personalitypage.
Hmm, I consider myself a little reserved, but not introverted. I thought about this. I scanned the website, but didn't pay it much attention. The next day, puzzled about how to deal with my job situation, I turned to David Allen's audio book again. My intuition said that I'd been taking advice from ENTJ's most of my life. I aspire to be one. But, sigh, I have not become extroverted. This bothered me. So, I decided to figure it out on my own. I've been doing the focus thing for a long time now. Strangely enough, I realize I've never been able to set priorities properly. In fact, about 10 years ago I forced my wife to define her priorities and I did the same. It was an excruciating exercise, which did not bode well. (I'd have this somewhere... hmm... I should look it up.) Anyway, this time I was armed with new information - my personality type.
I studied the ladder of abstraction concept and drew myself a diagram. From this diagram I realized that I spend way too much time in the higher layers of abstraction. This is not news really, but it showed clearly the struggle I have with getting things done. After discussing it with my wife, it also revealed something astounding.
OK, I need to explain the model first. It looks something like this:
The highest layer is existence - why are we here?
The lowest layer is activities - stuff we do - since we are always in motion.
In the middle is planning. Visions - are trends - what we expect to see in 3-5 years (or longer).
Goals - are things we do to achieve or compensate for visions.
Projects - are used to accomplish goals and are the framework for activities.
Everyone needs someone to do something for them. Don't kid yourself. You need someone to grow food you can eat, you need your employer to pay you so you can buy it. This means you need to influence them enough to enter into a relationship where goods and services are exchanged.
Principles and Environment are the universe within which we think - basically, your world. Most people influence others within the box, that is through tasks and urging, etc. However, I've discovered that I try to influence the principles of people around me. I try to force them to make their world match mine. Anyway I can. This is an impossible task. People only take direction such as that from God or people they consider God-like entities. Duh.
This is a tremendous burden for me and everyone in my life. Once I discovered this, I started to smile. I realized, I can only influence others by doing stuff within my principles and surround myself with people who share my "world". Only then, will I be happy.
I am fortunate. My wife and son share my principles. Others in my life do as well, however I have not recognized it. Instead if they make different choices or disagree with me or even complain, I withdraw. This is over. Now I can be happy.
This works for me, it may not work for you. If you want help with this concept, I'd be happy to give it.
I've been trying to sleep better, as such I've made a rule to stay in bed even if I wake up at 3AM. Well, I really like the solitude of 3AM-6AM. I don't know why, but I really like to reflect during these times and I used to reflect a lot. Anyway, I decided to indulge a little.
Well, one of the rules of 3AM activities is - never do anything permanent. I realized recently, that this is nothing more than sleepwalking. In fact, I'm doing it right now. I decided to check my gmail account. I'd been considering contacting some friends, but for selfish reasons, so I stared at my inbox and said - this is not right. I noticed the following ad on the page: "Jim Kerr - Technology Executive 20-yrs innovating systems that work. www.naymz.com". I took a look at this page. This guy was doing everything I like, a good job at Orbitz (very nice place to work I believe), likes fast planes (I like fast cars), etc. So I shot him an email that sounded like a veiled attempt to get a job. Kinda dumb - broke the rule. Anyway, he listed his personality type on the page, along with a pointer to www.personalitypage.com. He listed himself at ENTJ - The Executive. So I looked at the page and decided to discover my personality type. It cost $5, what the heck. Half an hour later I learn I'm INTJ - The Scientist. You can read about this in more detail on the personalitypage.
Hmm, I consider myself a little reserved, but not introverted. I thought about this. I scanned the website, but didn't pay it much attention. The next day, puzzled about how to deal with my job situation, I turned to David Allen's audio book again. My intuition said that I'd been taking advice from ENTJ's most of my life. I aspire to be one. But, sigh, I have not become extroverted. This bothered me. So, I decided to figure it out on my own. I've been doing the focus thing for a long time now. Strangely enough, I realize I've never been able to set priorities properly. In fact, about 10 years ago I forced my wife to define her priorities and I did the same. It was an excruciating exercise, which did not bode well. (I'd have this somewhere... hmm... I should look it up.) Anyway, this time I was armed with new information - my personality type.
I studied the ladder of abstraction concept and drew myself a diagram. From this diagram I realized that I spend way too much time in the higher layers of abstraction. This is not news really, but it showed clearly the struggle I have with getting things done. After discussing it with my wife, it also revealed something astounding.
OK, I need to explain the model first. It looks something like this:
+------------------------------------+
| Existence Principles/
| ,.--'' `'--.. Environment
| ,-' ,--------. `-. |
| ,' ,' Projects `. |
| / / : \ |
| | ; ; | |
| '. | Activities' ,' |
| \ | `. ,' / |
| Goals `---' Visions |
| `--.._______..--' |
| |
+------------------------------------+
The highest layer is existence - why are we here?
The lowest layer is activities - stuff we do - since we are always in motion.
In the middle is planning. Visions - are trends - what we expect to see in 3-5 years (or longer).
Goals - are things we do to achieve or compensate for visions.
Projects - are used to accomplish goals and are the framework for activities.
Everyone needs someone to do something for them. Don't kid yourself. You need someone to grow food you can eat, you need your employer to pay you so you can buy it. This means you need to influence them enough to enter into a relationship where goods and services are exchanged.
Principles and Environment are the universe within which we think - basically, your world. Most people influence others within the box, that is through tasks and urging, etc. However, I've discovered that I try to influence the principles of people around me. I try to force them to make their world match mine. Anyway I can. This is an impossible task. People only take direction such as that from God or people they consider God-like entities. Duh.
This is a tremendous burden for me and everyone in my life. Once I discovered this, I started to smile. I realized, I can only influence others by doing stuff within my principles and surround myself with people who share my "world". Only then, will I be happy.
I am fortunate. My wife and son share my principles. Others in my life do as well, however I have not recognized it. Instead if they make different choices or disagree with me or even complain, I withdraw. This is over. Now I can be happy.
This works for me, it may not work for you. If you want help with this concept, I'd be happy to give it.
Why is that Man Smiling?
I recently began to smile like Bob on the Enzyte commercial. Where did it come from? Is it temporary? Well, it isn't everyday that you realize something very basic about yourself.
You've probably noticed a gap in by blogging. Hard to miss really, almost a month. What happened? Nothing and everything.
Despite my commitment to remain focused, I suppose I fell off the wagon. Driven by the constant threat of interrupted income, I have been contemplating a number of things. Most thinking is subconscious, I am no different, however I inherited the worry gene in spades. After many years, I have managed to keep it under moderate control, however, a large part of my motivation has left with it. The struggle is how to remain passionate (which brings success) and balanced.
I am fortunate to have a loving wife and son. This year, my wife and I celebrated being together for 30 years. During this time, she has selflessly supported me and I have become quite successful. However, she became increasingly dissatisfied with her daily activities. She stopped smiling and worse. She wanted to quit work to remove herself from a negative environment, but could not do so unless she knew it would not damage our family. She needed my support. Although I had pledged support in the past, inevitably I succumbed to pressures and re nighed a number of times. I pledged my support once again and she "quit" her job. In reality, it is a sabbatical, but in this word has little meaning in today's world. Since, then I have been learning to support a she needs. This is foreign territory for me, but I like to think I have been successful. She has chosen to follow the path of her childhood dream and is doing quite well at it. Her smile has returned.
My son is on his first journey. He is in his second year of college and pursuing music. He balances a job, commitment to music, school and a strong bond with us. Living at home and going to college without taking a loan, he is taking a very pragmatic approach. We are tremendously proud of him and blessed that he is living with us during his early adulthood.
In the past, I always did what I loved to do at work, or at least I thought so. I feel responsible to maintain the environment which will allow my wife and son to continue their journey. As such, I have taken the role of just going to my place of business and coming home. Work was everything to me for a long as I can remember. I was passionate about what I did. This passion has faded and I need it back. I have been struggling with the need to provide and yet remain passionate about my daily life. I has not been working and along with it my smile has faded.
Sorry to set such a long stage, but this truly weighs heavily on me. My wife has been helping me do something other than plodding along or burying my head in a repetitive activity that just passes time. To this end she has graciously accepted me as a participant in her quest to become a photographer/artist and we attend photography class on Saturday mornings. It has been quite helpful to me and her. Even so, I was not smiling. Until one day, things started to change.
My wife and I do everything together, which is good and bad. I just wasn't getting enough time to shoot good material. One Saturday she was working on a project and I needed to strike out on my own. I spent the day on a little adventure and something strange started to happen. I started losing things. As it turns out, whenever I go out and get some good photos, I lose something. Nothing big, but this is quite unusual for me. In fact, I can't recall losing anything of substance in a number of years now... I started to lose things.
On my first shoot, I lost my glasses. After spending a couple thousand on class, losing a $400 pair of glasses was not something I wanted to do. I had been taking photos of a water tower and railroad tracks, when I found myself on the wrong side of a fence. It was either walk 1/2 a mile to get around it or climb it. I climbed the fence (with minor injury) and realized I'd lost my glasses. So I retraced my steps, which involved walking the path twice. While I was doing this a train came by and I shot some motion pictures. One of the shots is just wonderful, it is one of my favorite photos - which cost me $400.
Next, I lost a pair of shoes. Well, not literally, but I'd purchased a new pair of shoes which I was wearing when I saw a shot I wanted to take. I like sunrises and sunsets. I decided to take a misty sunrise photo. Conditions were right and I ventured in the thick mist. I got a wonderful shot and my shoes were soaked with iron laced dew. Ugly orange stuff, yuck. Later I was developing the photo in the darkroom, when a friend stopped and said, "wow, that looks great in here - I can only imagine what it looks like outside." I started to smile. He takes excellent photos using a 4x5 camera and I was proud. That only cost me $75 dollars.
The following week I went to get more shots on a Saturday afternoon. The sun wasn't right so I wasted a little time washing my car. I was in a hurry and the high pressure hose had sprung a leak. I didn't think much of it, but when I switched to high pressure mode the wand started flying. Before I could stop it it bounced off the hood of my car. I keep my car pretty clean, after 8 years it still looks good. The dent on the hood was annoying, but I didn't care much about it. I got some shots, but none of them memorable. I'd post the dent, but I'd rather forget about it.
A while later, I lost the sunglass clip for my newly replaced glasses. Sigh. However, I took some really nice shots of a falcon. I haven't developed these yet, I'm hoping they are even better.
I'm sure I will lose more stuff... but I've also started to find things. Things that are much more important.
First I found out why I've been unhappy my entire adult life... second, I found my sunglasses.
Wait a second, what was that first thing?
You've probably noticed a gap in by blogging. Hard to miss really, almost a month. What happened? Nothing and everything.
Despite my commitment to remain focused, I suppose I fell off the wagon. Driven by the constant threat of interrupted income, I have been contemplating a number of things. Most thinking is subconscious, I am no different, however I inherited the worry gene in spades. After many years, I have managed to keep it under moderate control, however, a large part of my motivation has left with it. The struggle is how to remain passionate (which brings success) and balanced.
I am fortunate to have a loving wife and son. This year, my wife and I celebrated being together for 30 years. During this time, she has selflessly supported me and I have become quite successful. However, she became increasingly dissatisfied with her daily activities. She stopped smiling and worse. She wanted to quit work to remove herself from a negative environment, but could not do so unless she knew it would not damage our family. She needed my support. Although I had pledged support in the past, inevitably I succumbed to pressures and re nighed a number of times. I pledged my support once again and she "quit" her job. In reality, it is a sabbatical, but in this word has little meaning in today's world. Since, then I have been learning to support a she needs. This is foreign territory for me, but I like to think I have been successful. She has chosen to follow the path of her childhood dream and is doing quite well at it. Her smile has returned.
My son is on his first journey. He is in his second year of college and pursuing music. He balances a job, commitment to music, school and a strong bond with us. Living at home and going to college without taking a loan, he is taking a very pragmatic approach. We are tremendously proud of him and blessed that he is living with us during his early adulthood.
In the past, I always did what I loved to do at work, or at least I thought so. I feel responsible to maintain the environment which will allow my wife and son to continue their journey. As such, I have taken the role of just going to my place of business and coming home. Work was everything to me for a long as I can remember. I was passionate about what I did. This passion has faded and I need it back. I have been struggling with the need to provide and yet remain passionate about my daily life. I has not been working and along with it my smile has faded.
Sorry to set such a long stage, but this truly weighs heavily on me. My wife has been helping me do something other than plodding along or burying my head in a repetitive activity that just passes time. To this end she has graciously accepted me as a participant in her quest to become a photographer/artist and we attend photography class on Saturday mornings. It has been quite helpful to me and her. Even so, I was not smiling. Until one day, things started to change.
My wife and I do everything together, which is good and bad. I just wasn't getting enough time to shoot good material. One Saturday she was working on a project and I needed to strike out on my own. I spent the day on a little adventure and something strange started to happen. I started losing things. As it turns out, whenever I go out and get some good photos, I lose something. Nothing big, but this is quite unusual for me. In fact, I can't recall losing anything of substance in a number of years now... I started to lose things.
On my first shoot, I lost my glasses. After spending a couple thousand on class, losing a $400 pair of glasses was not something I wanted to do. I had been taking photos of a water tower and railroad tracks, when I found myself on the wrong side of a fence. It was either walk 1/2 a mile to get around it or climb it. I climbed the fence (with minor injury) and realized I'd lost my glasses. So I retraced my steps, which involved walking the path twice. While I was doing this a train came by and I shot some motion pictures. One of the shots is just wonderful, it is one of my favorite photos - which cost me $400.
Next, I lost a pair of shoes. Well, not literally, but I'd purchased a new pair of shoes which I was wearing when I saw a shot I wanted to take. I like sunrises and sunsets. I decided to take a misty sunrise photo. Conditions were right and I ventured in the thick mist. I got a wonderful shot and my shoes were soaked with iron laced dew. Ugly orange stuff, yuck. Later I was developing the photo in the darkroom, when a friend stopped and said, "wow, that looks great in here - I can only imagine what it looks like outside." I started to smile. He takes excellent photos using a 4x5 camera and I was proud. That only cost me $75 dollars.The following week I went to get more shots on a Saturday afternoon. The sun wasn't right so I wasted a little time washing my car. I was in a hurry and the high pressure hose had sprung a leak. I didn't think much of it, but when I switched to high pressure mode the wand started flying. Before I could stop it it bounced off the hood of my car. I keep my car pretty clean, after 8 years it still looks good. The dent on the hood was annoying, but I didn't care much about it. I got some shots, but none of them memorable. I'd post the dent, but I'd rather forget about it.
A while later, I lost the sunglass clip for my newly replaced glasses. Sigh. However, I took some really nice shots of a falcon. I haven't developed these yet, I'm hoping they are even better.
I'm sure I will lose more stuff... but I've also started to find things. Things that are much more important.
First I found out why I've been unhappy my entire adult life... second, I found my sunglasses.
Wait a second, what was that first thing?
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Who is this Blog for?
Admittedly, I am new to blogging and it isn't much fun unless others participate. So, I've been trying to answer the question: "how do I get people to read and participate on my blog?"
Searching around at some of the popular blogs, I wasn't too motivated to read them. Why are they popular? Still couldn't figure it out, until I ran into an article about empathy and blogs.
Hmm... I consider empathy very important and here's a guy that does as well. Then the light went on. People need to know you to care about what happens to you. Writing a bunch of stuff in a blog about your life is not interesting to other people unless they relate it to their own experience. So I asked myself, "what is this blog really about?"
It is about how to feel successful.
When I write something like this, I count my blessings and say to myself, "I am successful. Why am I writing this?"
The answer is, I wish to remain successful. Life is a journey. I have used my skills to obtain many goals. Over time, good and bad choices have increased responsibility. With each decision, comes trade-offs. In my case, I make decisions emotionally, then deal with the logistics later. For instance, I have purchased cars (and even houses) then I had to figure out how to pay for it. The purchase gives immediate satisfaction, until I realize that I have overspent and need to cut back or generate more income. I'm really not very good at either, so it comes out of my savings.
So, I guess this blog is for people who have let emotions get themselves into a pickle and for people who are passionate and driven - but still never seem to be where they want to be.
It is about forks in the road. Time moves forward, it is not possible to go back and take another road. However, it is possible build a bridge or cut a path and to get back on the road not taken. The adventure of building the path is probably more fun than being on the road anyway.
In short, this blog is for people who wish to be encouraged to cut a path to the road they really want to be on and to give them tools to make this possible.
Searching around at some of the popular blogs, I wasn't too motivated to read them. Why are they popular? Still couldn't figure it out, until I ran into an article about empathy and blogs.
Hmm... I consider empathy very important and here's a guy that does as well. Then the light went on. People need to know you to care about what happens to you. Writing a bunch of stuff in a blog about your life is not interesting to other people unless they relate it to their own experience. So I asked myself, "what is this blog really about?"
It is about how to feel successful.
When I write something like this, I count my blessings and say to myself, "I am successful. Why am I writing this?"
The answer is, I wish to remain successful. Life is a journey. I have used my skills to obtain many goals. Over time, good and bad choices have increased responsibility. With each decision, comes trade-offs. In my case, I make decisions emotionally, then deal with the logistics later. For instance, I have purchased cars (and even houses) then I had to figure out how to pay for it. The purchase gives immediate satisfaction, until I realize that I have overspent and need to cut back or generate more income. I'm really not very good at either, so it comes out of my savings.
So, I guess this blog is for people who have let emotions get themselves into a pickle and for people who are passionate and driven - but still never seem to be where they want to be.
It is about forks in the road. Time moves forward, it is not possible to go back and take another road. However, it is possible build a bridge or cut a path and to get back on the road not taken. The adventure of building the path is probably more fun than being on the road anyway.
In short, this blog is for people who wish to be encouraged to cut a path to the road they really want to be on and to give them tools to make this possible.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Motivation from the Best
I really like my iPod. I really don't like using the FM radio to play it in the car. So, I'll be installing an iPod interface in my car over the weekend. I will be able to listen to music and audio books without interruption while driving to work.
I really like iTunes U for free content. The Stanford commencement recordings are really amazing, check out the Steve Jobs speech.
I really like iTunes U for free content. The Stanford commencement recordings are really amazing, check out the Steve Jobs speech.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Keeping a Clear Head
Although the The Power of Focus is an excellent goal setting book, I really like listening to the audio version of Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity as a guide for keeping a clear head. Allen describes using how to develop a system which keeps track of everything you feel responsible to do. This system enables you to have a “mind like water”. After listening to the book this will make sense. It is really quite useful.
I still have not mastered the techniques in the book, however it does help keep a clear head. Others have stuck with the program and have seen improvements. Most habits take 21 days to instill, I have passed this point, so it is part of my habits now. All I need to do is hone the skill.
Being very detail oriented, it is easy for me to get mired in the details of keeping track of many things. I am reviewing the book and discovering that I need to make some choices about what has value to me by asking myself, “why am I doing this?” -- like a 5-year old does. I'll will try this with the project I plan for tomorrow morning.
I still have not mastered the techniques in the book, however it does help keep a clear head. Others have stuck with the program and have seen improvements. Most habits take 21 days to instill, I have passed this point, so it is part of my habits now. All I need to do is hone the skill.
Being very detail oriented, it is easy for me to get mired in the details of keeping track of many things. I am reviewing the book and discovering that I need to make some choices about what has value to me by asking myself, “why am I doing this?” -- like a 5-year old does. I'll will try this with the project I plan for tomorrow morning.
Procrastination
I have many more passages to write regarding motivation and distraction. Oddly enough, I realize that researching such matters only prolongs starting the commitment process which allows me to live life on purpose. I once asked a performance specialist “what causes procrastination?” He responded, “Procrastination occurs because the goal or activity is not urgent or remains abstract.” We proceeded to discuss the matter and again, imagery entered the discussion. The key is defining a goal clearly and imagining success. You can read about his goal setting technique in his book Focused for Golf.
The best workbook for goal setting I've discovered is The Power of Focus. In this book, Canfield describes goal setting. His definition of goal setting requires almost absolute commitment: “A goal is the ongoing pursuit of a worthy objective until accomplished”. I can't do this book justice in a few short words, however this phrase is quite ingenious. It means that a substantial reward awaits at the end of a journey -- this journey takes time and the quest does not abate, despite obstacles.
I set a number of goals, using Canfield's method in early 2007. Progress toward these goals was almost immediate, followed by months of dedication to achieve them. I committed to these goals to overcome an unjustified performance poor performance review. Over time, the value of the endeavor waned. After three re-planning the project three times, I negotiated an end to the project, which would only take 1-2 weeks to complete. However, decided to focus on the hitting a high priority deadline instead. After a vacation, a disagreement with my sponsor and other distractions, the project has stalled. In retrospect, I recognize the project does not have value to my management, although completing it would give me get me 1/2 way to my goal. So why haven't I completed the task? I don't know.
I have decided to dedicate tomorrow morning to writing a plan to complete this project. I will find a comfortable, quiet spot and commit to a plan before tomorrow noon.
The best workbook for goal setting I've discovered is The Power of Focus. In this book, Canfield describes goal setting. His definition of goal setting requires almost absolute commitment: “A goal is the ongoing pursuit of a worthy objective until accomplished”. I can't do this book justice in a few short words, however this phrase is quite ingenious. It means that a substantial reward awaits at the end of a journey -- this journey takes time and the quest does not abate, despite obstacles.
I set a number of goals, using Canfield's method in early 2007. Progress toward these goals was almost immediate, followed by months of dedication to achieve them. I committed to these goals to overcome an unjustified performance poor performance review. Over time, the value of the endeavor waned. After three re-planning the project three times, I negotiated an end to the project, which would only take 1-2 weeks to complete. However, decided to focus on the hitting a high priority deadline instead. After a vacation, a disagreement with my sponsor and other distractions, the project has stalled. In retrospect, I recognize the project does not have value to my management, although completing it would give me get me 1/2 way to my goal. So why haven't I completed the task? I don't know.
I have decided to dedicate tomorrow morning to writing a plan to complete this project. I will find a comfortable, quiet spot and commit to a plan before tomorrow noon.
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