Why is that Man Smiling?

I recently began to smile like Bob on the Enzyte commercial. Where did it come from? Is it temporary? Well, it isn't everyday that you realize something very basic about yourself.

You've probably noticed a gap in by blogging. Hard to miss really, almost a month. What happened? Nothing and everything.

Despite my commitment to remain focused, I suppose I fell off the wagon. Driven by the constant threat of interrupted income, I have been contemplating a number of things. Most thinking is subconscious, I am no different, however I inherited the worry gene in spades. After many years, I have managed to keep it under moderate control, however, a large part of my motivation has left with it. The struggle is how to remain passionate (which brings success) and balanced.

I am fortunate to have a loving wife and son. This year, my wife and I celebrated being together for 30 years. During this time, she has selflessly supported me and I have become quite successful. However, she became increasingly dissatisfied with her daily activities. She stopped smiling and worse. She wanted to quit work to remove herself from a negative environment, but could not do so unless she knew it would not damage our family. She needed my support. Although I had pledged support in the past, inevitably I succumbed to pressures and re nighed a number of times. I pledged my support once again and she "quit" her job. In reality, it is a sabbatical, but in this word has little meaning in today's world. Since, then I have been learning to support a she needs. This is foreign territory for me, but I like to think I have been successful. She has chosen to follow the path of her childhood dream and is doing quite well at it. Her smile has returned.

My son is on his first journey. He is in his second year of college and pursuing music. He balances a job, commitment to music, school and a strong bond with us. Living at home and going to college without taking a loan, he is taking a very pragmatic approach. We are tremendously proud of him and blessed that he is living with us during his early adulthood.

In the past, I always did what I loved to do at work, or at least I thought so. I feel responsible to maintain the environment which will allow my wife and son to continue their journey. As such, I have taken the role of just going to my place of business and coming home. Work was everything to me for a long as I can remember. I was passionate about what I did. This passion has faded and I need it back. I have been struggling with the need to provide and yet remain passionate about my daily life. I has not been working and along with it my smile has faded.

Sorry to set such a long stage, but this truly weighs heavily on me. My wife has been helping me do something other than plodding along or burying my head in a repetitive activity that just passes time. To this end she has graciously accepted me as a participant in her quest to become a photographer/artist and we attend photography class on Saturday mornings. It has been quite helpful to me and her. Even so, I was not smiling. Until one day, things started to change.

My wife and I do everything together, which is good and bad. I just wasn't getting enough time to shoot good material. One Saturday she was working on a project and I needed to strike out on my own. I spent the day on a little adventure and something strange started to happen. I started losing things. As it turns out, whenever I go out and get some good photos, I lose something. Nothing big, but this is quite unusual for me. In fact, I can't recall losing anything of substance in a number of years now... I started to lose things.

On my first shoot, I lost my glasses. After spending a couple thousand on class, losing a $400 pair of glasses was not something I wanted to do. I had been taking photos of a water tower and railroad tracks, when I found myself on the wrong side of a fence. It was either walk 1/2 a mile to get around it or climb it. I climbed the fence (with minor injury) and realized I'd lost my glasses. So I retraced my steps, which involved walking the path twice. While I was doing this a train came by and I shot some motion pictures. One of the shots is just wonderful, it is one of my favorite photos - which cost me $400.



Next, I lost a pair of shoes. Well, not literally, but I'd purchased a new pair of shoes which I was wearing when I saw a shot I wanted to take. I like sunrises and sunsets. I decided to take a misty sunrise photo. Conditions were right and I ventured in the thick mist. I got a wonderful shot and my shoes were soaked with iron laced dew. Ugly orange stuff, yuck. Later I was developing the photo in the darkroom, when a friend stopped and said, "wow, that looks great in here - I can only imagine what it looks like outside." I started to smile. He takes excellent photos using a 4x5 camera and I was proud. That only cost me $75 dollars.

The following week I went to get more shots on a Saturday afternoon. The sun wasn't right so I wasted a little time washing my car. I was in a hurry and the high pressure hose had sprung a leak. I didn't think much of it, but when I switched to high pressure mode the wand started flying. Before I could stop it it bounced off the hood of my car. I keep my car pretty clean, after 8 years it still looks good. The dent on the hood was annoying, but I didn't care much about it. I got some shots, but none of them memorable. I'd post the dent, but I'd rather forget about it.

A while later, I lost the sunglass clip for my newly replaced glasses. Sigh. However, I took some really nice shots of a falcon. I haven't developed these yet, I'm hoping they are even better.

I'm sure I will lose more stuff... but I've also started to find things. Things that are much more important.

First I found out why I've been unhappy my entire adult life... second, I found my sunglasses.

Wait a second, what was that first thing?